Damsels in di-stress

By Jude Victor.

Going to “Mama whites hot and cool drinks” is not just something you can stop ,it kind of brings out the sausages tag line ‘one is never enough’ , after bailing out on my first day courtesy of Frank I couldn’t keep my mind off the place and the fact that Frank’s karaoke open mic stunt was the talk of the week did not really help ,of course he blamed it on the keg and faked complete amnesia saying he did not remember anything and that his recollection of the night gets to around 10 P.M when his damsel Wakanzu apparently told him he had a fine voice and he could sing , the irony.
So after a whole four and a half days of talking about Frank, oh that’s apparently what a week means to my friends and I ,I mean it’s practically there ,it’s the weekend ,begins from Friday afternoon or is better called ‘Friyaay’ thats Christmas Eve on Friday , Christmas on Saturday and Boxing day on Sunday , that’s why Mondays has men looking like they are just off the gym ,..so anyway after a whole and a little bit too much talk about Frank, we decided to go back to our favorite chill spot ,my niche,the mama whites hot and cold drinks.
The welcome there is always a little kind of awkward but alright- ish , you step past the door getting in and “mama whites damsels” size you up real good ,make a non-verbal conversation on whether you are good enough or not and if they decide you are then you are sure to have a good time ,that is if you like the food on the buffet.
Now just to clarify things up for anyone who wants to find a spot at my chill spot my articles being a point of reference, homie these damsels are magical, they only become cute when it’s a little bit past 12 when the keg has sinked in ,like when it has really sinked in and it is part of the circulatory system and the blood that gets the oxygen to your brains has a little bit more of iced confused ‘sodium whatever adds up to become keg’ ,this other time its just ladies with unkempt hair, brown teeth with oversized taxins from chewing miraa ,speaking levels of why the economy is brutal and mostly they have t-shirts with messages like ‘ kiss the DJ ‘ or ‘ focus on my face ‘ ..why? There is a whole lot of debate on how people dress up at mama whites hot and cold drinks but I’ll tell you all about it next time,let’s focus on the ladies first.
So ,if you look like me you’ll probably get the welcome of your life , these girls will line up focus on you and after the order they usually ‘fly-like’ around my table ,like fly’s each telling me about how to live the best life or how mr who and who did what just until the DJ actually begins to make sense in the way he mixes his songs and he is not just throwing anything in his playlist ,pun intended ,it’s 12.A.M.
Wakanzu ,Frank’s girl who apparently got that name because she likes wearing ‘deras’ coastal clothes that run from neck to feet that are really supposed to bring out the nether parts out more clearly but in Wakanzu’s case she is so thin and lacking she looks like she is wearing a ‘kanzu’ with colors ,and the fact that Frank is muslim-ish – he never goes to the mosque unless it is after the fast – does not help with the rumour that they actually share clothes .So on this particular day , Wakanzu comes with four other friends and they really look great ,not really over dressed as I had seen before, they join us to our table and Wakanzu goes all out frank on me ,did not see the irony or pun about Wakanzu being frank ,but she goes like “Jude take your pick your friends say you don’t have anyone to watch your drinks when you pick a call” , long story short , I don’t trust any of my friends I was not about to welcome a vampire bat into my premises ,I guess it had not really sinked in ,so not this time friends ,again that was my cue to bail on my friends,I’m going to see you all next Christmas at ” mama whites hot and cold drinks”adios amigos.


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