Who is the flyest🍻🍻

By Jude Victor

So when I told you that the concept of dressing up before you go out is rather twisted at ” mama whites hot and cold drinks” I was not exaggerating anything or making things up ,I mean at mama whites , anything that beats what the DJ is having on gets all eyes on you ,so on this particular day I dress up as usual and my friends come and pick me up and we are on our way to the famous place,my favorite chill spot ,my niche ,the mama whites hot and cold drinks.
We get to mama whites hot and cold drinks and like usual we are welcomed whole heartedly by the ever present mama whites damsels, I mean do these girls even own a crib or a rented single room house ,it’s hard to keep track when they are ever there ,I tend to think that they are evading paying their house rents or water bills ,these girls don’t even buy food they just pick out from various plates whenever anyone buys himself a plate of bites in between drinks but who are we to judge ,we are all under harsh economic conditions here in the city where a rat in your house is considered a roommate .
So we enter the place and Wakanzu is so worked up and apparently excited and we all see why immediately , Wakanzu had apparently found a way to buy jeans and Adidas shoes ,they are knock off shoes they only have two stripes but oh well let’s appreciate effort, so she is clad in a promotional red t-shirt, a backpack hat and the jeans plus white ‘adiddaz’ shoes and today she beats what the lady at the counter has on ,it’s a war of who is the flyest at mama whites.
Wakanzu runs to greet us ahead of the rest obviously for the show and on this day she also has no taxin ,I even start to think that she is getting her life together until she gets to me with a hug , her mouth smell like fish and underneath that hat her hair stinks like a mixture of expired spices on overcooked gizzards and I escape the hug as quickly as I was pulled in.
We have a discussion about her dressing and later at our table we decide to become fashion cops and do a rank from the most fly to the basic ‘i am a hobo ‘ look , news flash we always consider ourselves the flyest wherever we are so we cannot be part of the rank, so on this day Wakanzu’s friends looked like they were going for a clown parade , Aisha had red tights that had two holes and brown knee high boots that had seen a couple more seasons than my little brother, shazzy had blue pata pata slippers on with a pair of men’s socks and for clothes she had a ‘leso’ on with the message ” wanao nionea wamenipunguzia muda wa kugeuka ” – what is it with the messages on lesos though, she looked like she had just come from bed and she made it look as if the wheels in her life were turning but the hamster was dead , another proof that these girls don’t have homes ,I’m sure Aisha knew she was in her bedroom at that particular moment.

Paul wa mavita had tire made flip ons and a formal suit plus the tie on and chess mandukulu – these names came with a profile but that’s another days story .., had a really baggy t-shirt with a matching extra baggy vest on top of the t-shirt and a baggy patched brown jeans that his clothes looked like they were in a baggy contest , I’m sure his clothes combined could make a a tent and apparently he had police boots that had not seen polish for a decade and looked like they needed lotion more due to the cracks that were beginning to show up ,and he looked like he had just teleported from a way back 90’s band.
The fashion designs that popped up at mama whites hot and cold drinks were just on another level of crazy ,this was the only place boots were used as carriers for contraband liquor into the place for those who understand but at the end of the day ,all this didn’t matter at a little bit past 12 A.M , it kept us laughing before then so it was all cool , my cue to leave came when Aisha started whispering into my ears about how she needed money to buy steel wool ,I mean why in the middle of the night,I didn’t feel safe anymore so again I had to bail, till the next time for my most awaited keg Chronicles, adios amigos.

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