Change is like rest ,so they said ,and that is why a change of clothes is percieved to have a greater effect than having an actual bath or as the luyha say ,even pigs switch mud once in a while.The new year found me with lots of changes but I think my change was more of a vacation than rest ,first of all the notes I had thought would last in my pocket had suddenly become change which escalated my change of heart to be in my roots my home ,the Western part of the country, my people if I continued staying in that place I’d need to sell my good clothes to get back to the city ,so I had to come up with a solution real quick to change my location,lots of changes even before my actual new year’s resolutions,so help me God. I had already messed up at the beginning of the year,don’t worry guys 2020 is my year.
The city in all it’s glory welcomed me with open roads and empty clothe lines,I was glad I had come to the city and I thank the heavens I had left some money in my house, and I made sure I sang praise all the way to mama whites.
Now I don’t know how I have never told you about mama white herself,this is no typical or ordinary lady ,mama white is a strong lady and endowed in all the right places except her wide nose ,she carries a light skin complexion but the dark spots on her joints sell her cheap bleaching oil she refutes to be using.she has a Chinese looking baby who apparently she got while the roads were being made but unfortunately her marriage to be to a Chinese prisoner was also fake so she only ended up with the kid and a run away father who no one could identify because all these Chinese guys look alike in a good way ,pun intended I don’t want some robotic insect with a poisonous antenna to be sent my way ,and that is how mama white got her name, because her baby was white-ish.
Getting to mama whites , you did not need to have a keen eye to notice the huge black board by the door, mama whites had resoluted to write her resolutions for everyone to see and so help us ,this January we were done for .
Mama whites rules .
1.If you are still standing you need another beer
2.Sausages can’t solve your problems, that’s what keg is for.
3.Waitresses are being paid to be nice ,do not flirt.
4.Don’t make it hard for me distinguishing whether you are drunk or just stupid .
5. Pissing off the bartender can be a sobering experience.
6. If you are drinking to forget please pay in advance.
7. Be patient with the bartender, even the toilet only serves one person at a time.
8. The customer is always right until I decide you are no longer a customer.
Buy food between drinks ,it might be what the waitresses only have between now ,the next kitchen mistakes and caffeine.
Cenosilicaphobia – the fear of an empty beer glass ,this is appreciated here, we do not stigmatise.
This was definitely that year , welcome January problems , everyone needs something to escape to and think about.until then ,adios amigos.